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The current period represents a full decade since the word “ghosting” entered the common lexicon. At the time, the notion that someone could abruptly cease contact with a partner without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, finding a mate has only become more perplexing – an frequently pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by online slang.

Generation Z, a cohort who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more unhinged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed glossary to the words Zoomers is using to discuss love, sex and the search of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – For Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend connected to a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies seeking out someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A outing where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie affluence, it refers to couples who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal habits suggesting a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners crazy, bad tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks confirm your decision to date a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane repulsions that immediately shut down any feelings of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic gesture.

J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {